You are not a failure when you failed happily.
This will be a 2-part entry. The first part is going to be a recap of events in my life and for the second part I will state my takes on our online lecture this day.
I am easily attracted to intelligent people. Those who can express themselves very well, those who don’t stutter when explaining something on the spot, those who are confident enough to speak up when no one isn’t.
September 22, 2021 I woke up at 7am and prepared to attend my remedial class. The speaker greeted us [non verbatim] “I am happy to meet all of you, but isn’t it ironic that I shouldn’t really be happy because you are here for a reason” and she proceeded to ask us the factors behind our failing grades. Some students were generous enough to share their stories while I was still in shock because I felt called out early in the morning.
I was obviously at fault why I failed to reach our university’s quality point average. My enrollment request was denied but I was given two conditions to reconsider my request: Enroll under their remedial programs, but I must shift to a different course once I pass it, If I fail to do so, I will be expelled from our University. I broke down thinking of starting all over again in college and all my investments and effort for my course is just going down the drain. Long story short, I ended up letting go of my Architecture dreams and embraced another course under the same institute.
To be honest this encounter felt more like a “nabunutan ng tinik” more than a test of faith on how long I could hold on to a course that is draining me. It’s kind of funny how I am self-aware that Architecture isn’t for me, but I’ve been faking it till I make it for three long years without any progress in my character and my performance. Don’t get me wrong, but I still enjoyed my Architecture journey despite of all the tears that I’ve shed. To be honest, I am happier right now and I’m looking forward for new experiences as a Visual Communication student.
There are things that I wasn’t able to do within three years under the Architecture field, that I managed to do in two months of self-reflecting:
1. I’m motivated to learn
2. I enjoy while I’m learning
3. I am pursuing the career path that my ten-year-old self was aspiring to be
4. I can confidently say that I’m finally on the right track
5. I want to keep living because I finally have a dream to achieve.
Not being the best frustrates me a lot because I’m afraid to be left behind while everybody else is thriving, but for the past months, I was satisfied with small progresses, and I celebrate small victories simply because I have detached myself from the factors that are making me doubt my own skills. I am not suffocated, I am not drowning, and I’m finally rising from the Abyss of Architecture.
